The Smelly Bandit nabbed in Mountain View

by sanjosebarstool


KVTU – A man arrested for shoplifting on Tuesday was identified as a suspect in the July 1 robbery of bank in Mountain View committed by a malodorous man, police said Wednesday.

Mountain View police arrested William Brackin, 45, on Tuesday after officers were called to the CVS pharmacy on 850 California St, about a customer who had just stolen some cigarettes, police Sgt. Saul Jaeger said.

Officers arrived and found Brackin, who fit the description of the shoplifter, in the area of the drug store and took him into custody on suspicion of shoplifting, Jaeger said.

At about 2:30 p.m. on July 1, a suspect walked into the bank, handed an employee a note demanding money, received more than $1,300 in cash and fled after stuffing the loot into a blue bag.

The suspect never displayed or mentioned having a weapon, Jaeger said.

He was described as a white man with a dark shirt under a tan colored one, faded blue jeans, construction-style boots, sunglasses and a hat with “Callaway” printed on it.

He also had an odor about him indicating that he had not bathed for some time, Jaeger said.

All the great ones leave their mark and for Mr. Brackin, it’s not showering for weeks and ripping Marlboro red butts.

I have to give style points for the Callaway hat, being a Callaway guy myself but for these common criminals I gotta think that they must not know it’s a golf company, right? They must think, oh I need a hat and just go grab one from Goodwill, right? There’s no way they’re grabbing a golf hat and being like, “Nobody will think a golf hat is going to steal,” because let me tell you, if there’s anybody who steals/cheats more on average (my self included), it’s your common golfer. Asking for giving “gimmes” to putts more than three feet, casually declaring mulligans every other whole off the tee, mysteriously finding their ball in the rough then noticing that the guy has one less ball in his pocket.

If I’m a cop and see a dude with golf hat acting suspiciously, I’m taking him for questioning immediately because unless you’re playing with a single digit handicap, there’s some fuckery going on somewhere in your life.

P.S. That could be Will Smith’s son because that is an absolute DICKHEAD outfit.