The get to know your USA World Cup opponent guide: Belgium

by sanjosebarstool

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So by now, we all know that our Patriots on the US Men’s National Team will be playing Belgium. A lot of people only know Belgium for their Waffles and Van Damme. Here’s a bit more:

National AnthemThe Brabançonne

Sounds like the marching theme for a bunch of nuns. 2/10

National Dish: Mussels and Fries

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Despite what you might think it’s not waffles, it’s this abortion. What a bunch of sickos. 0/10

Most Recognizable Player: Marouane Fellaini

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Despite looking like he grew up under powerlines, “Felly” is a decent player but just came off a terrible season for Manchester United. 5/10

National Hero: Jean Claude Van Damme

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I got nothing here. 10/10

Most Famous Chick: Kim Clijsters

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Belgium…your girl tennis players, woof. Great tricep action though. 1/10

Miscellaneous: Technically they are called the “Kingdom of Belgium” and have a King

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King Phillipe can hang with me any day as long as he bring Queen Mathilde, who’s got a great Chelsea Handler/Kim Basinger thing going on:

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Overall royalty factor? 8/10

Final estimation?

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Let’s sack Belgium and take Mathilde with us. USA 2 Belgium 1.

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