The get to know your USA World Cup opponent guide: Belgium

by sanjosebarstool


So by now, we all know that our Patriots on the US Men’s National Team will be playing Belgium. A lot of people only know Belgium for their Waffles and Van Damme. Here’s a bit more:

National AnthemThe Brabançonne

Sounds like the marching theme for a bunch of nuns. 2/10

National Dish: Mussels and Fries


Despite what you might think it’s not waffles, it’s this abortion. What a bunch of sickos. 0/10

Most Recognizable Player: Marouane Fellaini


Despite looking like he grew up under powerlines, “Felly” is a decent player but just came off a terrible season for Manchester United. 5/10

National Hero: Jean Claude Van Damme


I got nothing here. 10/10

Most Famous Chick: Kim Clijsters


Belgium…your girl tennis players, woof. Great tricep action though. 1/10

Miscellaneous: Technically they are called the “Kingdom of Belgium” and have a King


King Phillipe can hang with me any day as long as he bring Queen Mathilde, who’s got a great Chelsea Handler/Kim Basinger thing going on:

Mathilde--z Mathilde1 2aez711 6048-princess-mathilde queen-mathilde-of-belgium-the-belgian-royals_3978043 Queen+Mathilde+Belgian+Royals+Visit+Netherlands+1LBZ7DwN2QTl

Overall royalty factor? 8/10

Final estimation?


Let’s sack Belgium and take Mathilde with us. USA 2 Belgium 1.