“51 Things You’ll Never Hear San Fransicans Say” was too elitist so I added some things to bring them down a peg

by sanjosebarstool



The Bold Italic – I was so impressed by Time Out Chicago’s list of 51 things you’ll never hear a Chicagoan say, I decided to make my own list for SF. There isn’t that much San Franciscans won’t say. Still, here’s a list of some of the stuff I doubt you’ve heard.

Do you want to go to Alcatraz this weekend?

I never see any poop on the ground. 

Look at all these parking spots!

Fernet? Meh.

Sometimes I think my apartment is TOO big.

I don’t have a costume to wear.

San Francisco is so much like New York.

I just get such good vibes from the Marina.

My rent is totally reasonable.

I’m sure the bus is late for a good reason. I’m happy to wait.

Google is using technology to make the world a better place.

I don’t care if you call it Frisco or San Fran, it’s all good.

San Jose has great bars and it’s so close!

I hate Dolores Park.

Let’s go to ____________. There’s never a line!

I love hanging out at Fisherman’s Wharf to get the real San Francisco experience.

What’s that new building? Must be more affordable housing.

You’d think this toast would cost more.

A cleanse? I’ve never tried one.

I have absolutely no dietary restrictions.

I don’t have any ideas for a start-up.

I’ll never have an opportunity to use these roller skates.

I don’t care what typeface we use.

I always run Bay to Breakers sober.

I could totally afford this place on my own. 

I can’t wait for JULY!

The Mission is so much better than it was a few years ago. 

Gluten free? What’s that?

The view of the Golden Gate Bridge just gets old after a while.

Let’s go to Union Square tonight.

Move to San Francisco. There’s room for everyone.

I don’t like brunch.

LA seems like a really nice place to live.

BART will take us right there!

My Lyft driver was so normal today.

God, this bus smells amazing.

Tell me all about the app you’re working on!

Let’s just hail a cab.

Eh, I’m not really in the mood for a photo booth. 

I just bought my own home!

First off, great puff piece. You wonder why the terrorists and most Americans hate us. Pretentious as hell with a killer combonation of things people already know as well as stuff people prolly didn’t know but they do now and think you’re an asshole over it. Is rent expensive in SF? Yes of course it is. Do busses smell? Yes, all public transit smells, yours is  not special. Oh and if you have such a problem with Google, who exactly works for them? You can’t all be antique dealers and craft gluten free beer makers up there. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. So, to help check the ego of some of these people, I added some more things you’ll never hear them say.

I tell everyone I moved here from Chicago but I’m really from Milwaukee.

I used to eat McDonald’s all the time but now that I live in the Mission, I’m afraid someone will notice me going in there.

I’ll have a Bud Light.

Oh you don’t have Bud Light? Miller’s fine.

I know what icing means.

I have a 49ers jersey but I have no idea who the guy is or what position he plays.

Do I look like a douchebag for ordering sushi at the Giants game?

I loved Full House, know all the lyrics and went to try and find the house when I first got here.

I hate dudes that hang out in the marina but i’ve hooked up with dozens of them.

I bash Facebook, Microsoft and Google, but the start up I LOVE was started by people from those companies.

I just tell people I read Game of Thrones, I use my mom’s HBOGo password to watch it too.

Fernet is the worst tasting shot ever, I hate it when the really hip people order it at the bar/office gathering.

I use Bay 2 Breakers as an excuse to act like a jackass consequence free

I do not have a gluten allergy.