Why Kobe’s new shoe is dogshit and the most underrated shoes of all time

by sanjosebarstool

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Bleacher Report – The latest edition of Kobe Bryant‘s signature shoe series, the Kobe 9s, has been unveiled, and it looks like The Black Mamba will go with a high top look. Nike Basketball and Kobe Bryant bucked the trend with a low top shoe for the Kobe 8s and now it appears they’re headed a different direction with the 9s. 

Yeah no shit you’re going high top look, you fucking destroyed your Achilles and had to go to Germany to get a placenta smoothie shot in there (my conspiracy). Anyways, it looks like you’re wearing one of those Exxon Valdez seagulls on each foot if you buy these, not to mention if you ever try and play street ball in these, not only will you get made fun of by every black guy, they will undoubtedly be stolen from you after the game.

Kobe and his technicolor dream high tops aside, there are 3 shoes that are undisputed in regards to their design and impact culturally:

Air Mutumbo’s

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Preface: I never owned these but I feel like it’s the type of shoe that is so awful and so specific to the Nigerians over 6′ 9 fan base, that anybody could wear it and you’d get the head nod from black dudes. Honestly, who wants to be Mutumbo? Again, never had them but I feel if you put them on for the first time, the broadway cast of The Lion King would step of nowhere to sing “The Circle of Life.”

Air Penny II’s

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These were the IT shoes in 95-96 for white kids in New Hampshire playing both elementary school hoops and CYO. Literally, I think my whole team had them…both teams. History has not exactly been kind to the Penny’s or Penny himself due to injury and their egregious design, yet these were undeniably the most popular shoe of the year. Especially because nobody really wanted to be Shaq….yet they could see themselves being Penny.

Question Mids

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Ahhhhhhh Allen Iverson, the hero of many including myself and anyone else under 6’2. The key to a successful shoes isn’t necessarily the quality of the player but rather the height. You don’t see Olajuwon or Dwight Howard selling a shit ton of shoes. Why? Because nobody is that tall. I bet that’s half the reason SHAQ’s shoes are cheap as fuck and ran only in huge sizes because it’s for big dudes. But Allen Iverson was the right kind of scrappy/character/talent and shortness for a white mass audience. People wanted to have shoes to have them cross up Jordan. Plus they were from Reebok, which aside from the Pump’s, haven’t seen much glory since. Not as bad as the Grant Hill “Fila” effect, but they don’t have the market share of Adidas (it’s now owners) and Nike. Yet these things FLUNG off the shelves. They were clean, simple with enough unique features to make it special. Also I think it was only around $90 to $110? I remember buying some in high school and literally having a 50 year old Korean woman asking for the same ones upon seeing me get fitted. Off the boat Korean too. Powerful stuff.

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